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Monday, December 18th, 2006
5:38 am - Meep!!

I almost want to blame the solar flare for my lack of gravitational stability... but I'm just a dumb monkey. The last few days I have been nursing stubbed toes (3.. both little ones.) burnt fingers (2) knocked elbows (both... multiple times) I have cracked my knees on the counter (at least three times a shift), and every sharp corner I can't seem to judge properly seems to be groin high... AHH!! Needless to say I have seriously contemplated staying in bed til further notice... but life trudges on. yay. Meep!!

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Monday, April 24th, 2006
2:05 pm

Alot of 'dumb monkeys' on this blog.... hysterical:

has me laughing my a$$ off:


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Friday, July 23rd, 2004
2:06 am - Hey people

Hi im Jenn....aww hell you know i messed up on all my Job Apps. damn that shit aint even funny. I turned them in like 3 weeks ago...wow i was like why the fuck aint they giving me a job....damn...and then just today my sister told me i didnt get a job cause i didnt fill out the Reference shit...wow how was i supposed to know i never filled those shits out before and i never had a fucking job either....damn....i really need money...shit sucks...im out

current mood: pissed off

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Monday, July 5th, 2004
10:31 pm - Car vs. Pole...

Courtesy carn_carby:

Car vs. Telephone Pole

current mood: amused

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Wednesday, June 9th, 2004
1:24 am

Today was my second day of training and my shiney new job. This job involves computers, so we were all given special handy dandy non-spilly mugs. Which in theory is a great thing for that special breed of clutz who would probably drool all over the keyboards given the proper opportunities *L*

So, about 15 minutes into the day, we hadn't really started yet and I'm thirsty. I trot down to the caf to fill up my special fantastic mug with water, and go back to the classroom (with 24 other new trainees) and go to take a drink.

this mug is complicated, you have to push down a tab thing as you're drinking to get anything to come out. Even when you do this, you get about a teaspoon of liquid, so you end up holding the thing upside down for a good long while waiting for a gulps worth to drain into your mouth.

Did I make sure the lid was on tightly? Oh hell no!!

SPLOOOSH!!! I am drenched all down my one side right past my pants pocket *L* And, of course... White shirt!!!

All I have to say is thankfully it was water and not coffee!! After turning beat red (and staying that way for a good 3 hours) I had to go to the bathroom and attempt to dry myself off under the hand dryers, at least enough so that you couldn't see my bra quite so clearly *L* Oh, and yeah, that was important... Why? Because we were just about to have our pictures taken for our ID cards *L*

I'm special :D

current mood: sleepy

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Tuesday, June 8th, 2004
5:56 am - Intro...

Hi! My name's Tom, and I'm an idiot!

(group: "Hi, Tom!")

So, I'm cross-posting this entry from my own LJ here at the suggestion of angelina_zooma.

My thumb and middle finger on my left hand both have huge blistering second degre burns on them.

I like to have meat in pasta sauce... more meat than sauce, usually, so while making dinner I decided to brown some meat, and re-freeze it for later use (something I do sometimes).

I actually succeeded in this task, and surprisingly, my smoke alarm did not go off.

I neglected to wait for the meat to cool before attempting to bag it. The meat melted the bottom of the bag, and in so doing landed all over my stove.

I start to clean it up, cursing and swearing. I grabbed the metal thingy atop the burner to clean under it. Yes, despite the burner being off, it was still HOT. No, I didn't use a potholder.

Yeah. I had to soak my hand in cool water (per my first aid and CPR textbook -- SO GLAD I TOOK THAT CLASS -- you're not sposta use ice) for about a half hour before it stopped hurting. And my middle finger is still throbbing, though no longer screaming in pain.

Yes, I'm an idiot. People wonder why I hate to cook. THIS is why. Well, that and I can have been known to ruin cereal. I'm too much of a damn clutz to cook much of anything successfully.

current mood: stupid

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Friday, June 4th, 2004
10:35 am - Finally, a Dumb Monkey Post!

There are a few rules that a cat owner HAS to follow. You know, the ones that are for your own good. The ones that insure you to possibly live longer than your furry friends... or at least to not die at their paws. These are good rules! Rules to stop you from getting clawed/bitten or having your soul ripped out by those ever-loving kitty eyes. Here's a couple examples:

1) Don't try to bathe your cat.
Unless you've brainwashed the little spitter from a kitten into thinking that this is a good thing.. don't try it. No matter how much you think 'ickle mister schmooky poo' loves you, I can tell you right now that he doesn't love you enough to be held in water for longer than a millisecond. There are guides that exist on the net telling how to bathe a cat without getting horribly mauled..but I seriously doubt that most people can offord complete HazMat suits made of Kevlar.

2) Trimming claws.
One, you pretty well have to be a freaking acrobatic zen master to be able to trap and keep 3 flailing limbs at bay while trying to snip the tips of the one thats trying to slash your face off... Two, your cat will NOT be pleased with you, and unless you have a metric buttload of kitty treats handy, she might end up shitting in your shoes out of pure spite.

3) Harnesses.
This, this is the one that made me a Dumb Monkey all those weeks ago. I should have remembered why putting a harness on a cat and having them outside is a Bad Idea. Add in that the cat in question is a weird little freak?

This all went down when I was visiting my parents for Mother's Day. They have a little black pseudo-kitten named Loki. They decide to have a bonfire in the backyard, and the cat is meowing up a storm because he is all alone in the house. This makes him sad. This makes my parents sad. This makes Chewy a freaking idiot as she offers to put said harness on said cat and bring him outside.

For the first little bit, all is fine. Loki's trotting around on a leash, sniffing at branches and bird poop while we would point and laugh at him. Oh look! The fire needs more wood! My dad, in all his brilliance goes right behind the cat and SNAPS a big honking branch in two.

This, suffice it to say, makes Loki go apeshit.
I have never, Ever seen anything bounce around on a line like the way that cat did. I'm holding on to the one end, and here's this black-furred, yellow-eyed, crazed miniature Tazmanian devil on the other. I go to try to pin him so I could throw him inside the house (which is made really difficult by the fact that Little Retard was thrashing like a freaking Trout), when the cat must have realized that there was something soft and squishy holding him back.

Cat does this weird tripple flip, yoinks back towards my end of the leash..and latches on. Every single claw, every freaking tooth he could get into my hand, he got. These things were deep! And painful! I let him go, he runs toward the patio door, bounces off the closed screen, nealy knocks himself out cold.

So, yeah.
Don't put a cat in a harness. Or at least not during a bonfire.
And definitely do NOT listen to that little voice in the back of your head that tells you when something "is a GOOD idea".

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Friday, February 27th, 2004
8:13 am - Question...

You need ice for a friend that burninates her hand...what do you find in the freezer...a big bag of solid ice...what do you do...take the bag and smack it down on something to separate the ice right?!?!

Well that's what I thought too...I went to smack it on the arm of the couch where my friend was perched and then I could hand her the bag and she could take all the ice she wanted...

'cept the bag must've been smacked too many times previously because with that first smack...the bag ripped open and ice exploded all over the couch, all over the floor and all over my friend.

Wee bit of a chilly surprise when she was hit by the flying bits of frozen H2O!

current mood: amused

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Wednesday, February 25th, 2004
1:01 pm

Hello, this is a silly and fun to read board :) I hope I can join you.

I believe I am very qualified. Just a smattering of some DM things I have done-

While cleaning the garage I stepped on a hidden rake, which yes, did swing up and smack me hard in the noggin. Very very ouch.
While running from a tickling friend, I caught my overalls (they were in style that year. they WERE.) on a doorknob and jerked into a letter C. The buttons flew off and I was shocked!

In fact, just yesterday I was going to tumble into bed with my book but I sort of bounced and hit my head very hard on the wall.

Not all my exploits are based on clumsiness! I'm can also be very vacuous and a terrible speller!

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Saturday, February 7th, 2004
4:41 pm - yodel berry

greetings to all

I am a fan of tripping over things and banana flying: the one true sport
although I have not banana flown for a while (knee problems)
I have tripped over many a thing today (possibly what caused the knee problems)

I tripped over
my shoe
a ps2
my sister

rhyming is underrated.

current mood: dumb

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Thursday, November 27th, 2003
7:43 pm - Look folks! She can also dress herself!

Ever get changed in the dark because you can't be bothered to trundle over to the light switch and put forth the effort of switching it on? Ever spend the entire day wondering why your pants seem to fit not-quite-so-right? Ever spend nearly 2/3 of the day being annoyed, only to discover that you had put your underwear on, not only backwards, but inside-out as well?

Ooooh, yeah.

current mood: dorky

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Friday, November 7th, 2003
11:35 am

I swore that I'd post here, and dangnabbit, I will!
Lookit me go!

...Okay, so this DM moment happened maybe a month ago. Nothing overly shnazzy or elaborate....I just coated my toothbrush in anti-persperant instead of toothpaste.

And there you have it folks!
A post. A most glorious post!

current mood: weird

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Wednesday, September 24th, 2003
12:27 pm - anybody watching me this morning would've had a laugh

I must've been completely braindead when I finally arrived here at the office.

a) grab cell phone and keys (thank goodness!!) and get out of car

b) Curse. I forgot my bag! Go back to car and grab bag, lock & walk away

c) Curse! I forgot my lunch! Go back to car, grab lunch, lock & walk away

d) CURSE!! I forgot my glasses!! Go back to car, grab glasses, lock & walk away

Frig *L*

current mood: amused

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Tuesday, August 12th, 2003
10:01 am

Well, geez.
I must've been tempting fate by not posting one of my many Dumb Monkey moments in the new community because DAYUM, was I ever hit hard by dumb-monkieness today.

The lady one cubicle over brought in extra-large Twizzlers to work today for snackies. I, being a smart one, remembered a fun thing I did as a kid. Take Twizzler, bite off ends, use as straw. Perfect for really cold drinks(they used to partially freeze the twizzler, making it extra-good to chew on). Though lacking in a particularly cold drink, I did have some luke-warm, unopened bottle of Coke.

Being particularly smart, I went over to co-worker's cubicle, bit off ends and shoved the Twizzler into the bottle to show her how its done. Guess what happpened?


Onto the floor, the counter, my arm and myself.
There I go, mopping the floor, counter and rinsing off arm and self.

Guess that'll teach me to erm..not try things I liked as a kid.
Damn thing made the pop all oily and flat and gross, too.

current mood: DUMBMONKEY

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Friday, August 8th, 2003
9:22 am - dumb monkey moment

Just to start things off.. here's a good dumb monkey moment.

Enraging a wild Chewaboo holding a cup of cheese and brocolli soup in the snowy outdoors... making her run after me... jumping over a snowbank where I lose my shoe, and the chewaboo goes down, flinging soup all over herself.

Me laughing to the point of almost falling over run over to our other friend.. now.. I'd already checked myself out and I was clean.. so I told her that.. *L* then I turned around. Soup... splattered..... all down my back.... and leg *L*

Man.. college is fun *L*

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Wednesday, August 6th, 2003

hi :)

current mood: energetic

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